Catch up

I know that it seems like I have been neglecting to blog but I really haven't I just haven't gotten around to posting things lately. I tend to type my posts on the train on my mobile but I just haven't gotten around to posting them on here yet. But here they are.

18/03/2008

I am starting to feel entirely out of my depth at med school. I am not sure what it is that makes me feel like this but I don’t like it. I don’t work on the weekends. This is the 3^rd one in a row. I do the work it isn't that hard but I never can remember anything. Everyone else can not only remember but apply all this stuff we have learnt. I don’t even know the easy stuff. Then there is the fact that l am not like any of them. I have an entirely different life and I am struggling with my priorities. I didn’t do any work on the weekend. That is the third one in a row. It is the only time I get to See the kids and relax so it is very hard to get motivated to do anything at all on a weekend. I mean I get one day with my Family and then David has to go to mums to work on Sunday & I am stuck with no car & 2 kids all day and night. It is not very inductive to study. The kids demand my attention all day and am just exhausted by the time they go to bed & just want to bludge. And when David goes he takes the laptop so I have to go upstairs to study and it is a little scary and alien when David is not home. (yes I know that i am a dag) Then I get to uni today & someone says ''I didn't do anything on the weekend' but then I find out she did 4 hours and this is just her interpretation of ''nothing" It made me reassess my own definitions and study ethos. I started a ''health kick' today. I really need to get a handle on it.

29/03/2008

I am isolated. My sister has run away. My husband is married to the computer. My children are beginning to have their own lives and my mother is too busy to talk. I am not right. I am just feeling overwhelmed. Everyone loves and supports me. It is me that has fallen in a hole. I just need to sleep.

04/04/2008

Well I am not feeling as bad as I did last week. I got over it. I mean I am still behind but I am not stressing as much as I have a plan. I had to do a presentation for stupid philosophy yesterday so a lot of my catch up time has been spent doing that and there is an essay plan due next week. Have I vented about how much I hate philosophy? I HATE philosophy. I remember when I was trying to decide on which uni to go to I thought the idea of doing philosophy theology and ethics was interesting but I was wrong. The people teaching it are tools. I guess you can't expect anything else when they devote their lives to thinking about other peoples thoughts. I like Gettier best of all the philosophers because all he wrote was a two and a half page thing really spaced out and set out with very concise mathematical like ideas. He only wrote it because he had to publish to get tenure. No waffle, no bitching about other philosophers or worse still sucking on their cocks. This is the way all philosophers should be. Some of the readings we have to do are so long and waffly that 60 page of a book can be summarised into one sentence, I kid you not. They are all just so convoluted and try to put things in such wording that can't be pulled apart by their peers that they end up being unable to say much at all. Our tutor is like you can’t just read a reading once you need to read it lots of times and really pull it apart. Just read it every night she says. Like we have the time for that. Hello doesn't she know that we are doing medicine? Spare time is non existent. Doesn't she know that we barely have time to scratch our arses yet alone stick our heads up someone else’s.

Gee I love a good rant

Till next time.

Today

Guess what. The kids are going to mums on Sunday and not coming home till Wednesday. It is school holidays and David’s break didn't match up at all and I don't get a mid-session break. So the kids are spending a few days with mum next week and the week after they will have a day with the other grandparents. Ben is flying down too so it should be good except that Ben is staying 6 nights so 3 of those will be at our house. I am kinda glad that I will get to go to uni during the days as the kids all go a bit feral when they are together. David is going to have fun.

In other news David and I have been talking about having another baby. After the miscarriage it kind of reminded me that I want to have another one (Or 2 but don't tell David as I don’t want to scare him). He is a lot more into the idea than he was a couple of years ago when I was pushing for it. It will be hard with uni and all but you know me 'just keep swimming' as a famous little fish once said.